1) If It Doesn’t Fit, Just Quit
The poor fit is the most common fashion mistake among women and we have all been guilty of it. Whether it’s hiding your figure in an outfit resembling a sagging Glad bag, buying something with the intention of fitting into it “once you lose the projected 5 pounds”, or squeezing your goods in an item that requires you to cut off blood circulation to get into it, the poor fit is an endless fashion phenomena that has struck most fashionistas at some point or other.
Ladies, learn your inches. While performing obscene acrobatics to squeeze into size zero pants might feel exciting at first, the subsequent fleshy bulge that will free itself and spill out from your denim won’t thrill your audience. On the other hand, don’t insult your curves by hiding them in mountains of material. Your goal should be to find clothes that skim your body and do you fashionable justice. Be realistic about your body’s proportions and familiarize yourself with what works on you. Have a body tape measure on hand, especially when shopping online, and refer to the item’s sizing chart to determine what will fit.
2) All That Glitters Isn’t Gold
Every so often, my eyesight is accosted by a passing woman whose excessive jewelry alone could mimic a solar eclipse. Some women seem to believe that adorning themselves like Christmas trees will enhance appearances and make them look expensive, when in reality a mountain of cubic zirconia is the textbook definition of gaudiness.
There is a sacred fashion rule from the eternally elegant Coco Chanel that every woman should abide by: “Before leaving the house, a lady should stop, look in the mirror, and remove one piece of jewelry.” If you’ve formerly missed the memo, consider this a refresher.
3) Your Face is a Canvas – Not a Jackson Pollock
Let’s be honest here, femmes: we dress not only for ourselves, for our appearance and for self-representation, but we groom and dress in a very large part to also attract the sex of our choice. Makeup, when done right, can set an outfit, sell a fashion statement to the masses, and highlight the features you have to catch a person’s eye.
But when makeup is done wrong, it can kill all of the above and leave you looking a crippling, Pollock-inspired mess.
The right makeup is similar to fit in that you need to analyze realistically what you have and find the colours, palettes and shades that highlight it perfectly. A female can likely experiment with a ton of variations on colour and while almost anything done subtly will look good, excessive application will get you nowhere. When you have achieved a full facial tint with bronzer that resembles my mother’s butternut squash soup at Thanksgiving, your only option left is auditioning for the Jersey Shore. Simply put, less is more.
4) The Womp-Womp Work Attire
If there was ever a time that women dressed to impress in their employment environs, then this was far before my time. But I have seen enough evidence to sustain my hopes that women – and men – once took pride in their workplace appearance. What I would do to see that mentality return!
Now, I mention the males briefly here because this is very much a topic that transcends the gender line in fashion. For every woman that dons a pair of yoga pants or a sweatshirt with jeans to the office, there is a man that took out a pair of jeans frayed at the knees and a plaid flannel shirt from his dresser that morning and thought that would make a mightily fashionable combination for office attire.
What strikes many as “casual” really screams “hopeless” to the judging outsider. It is inevitable in today’s society that you will be assessed on your appearance; what you do with it is up to you. How you dress will represent your ambitions, level of professionalism and class whether you like it or not. It is your prerogative if you want to slum it down with some fleece pyjama pants to work or really sass things up inappropriately with that denim miniskirt, but don’t be surprised when your poor efforts are met with poor regard.
5) Faking It With a Frada
I’ll make this one short: remember the kid in grade school who copied your spring drawing, submitted it first and won the prize? You didn’t like your creative genius being stolen from right under you now, did you? Purses and jewelry, feel the same way.
Knockoffs are an offense to the designer, the company, but also to your fashion sense. You will lose credibility when ostentatiously flaunting all things faux, and you’ll likely meet the wrath of fashionistas who own such pieces of value. But if you are adamant on faking it, at least try to fake it well – I have a hard time believing the Barbie-pink Chanel logo earrings carved out of plastic you’re sporting would come out of the fashion house run by the impeccable Karl Lagerfeld.